February 22, 2002

Dear Sir or Madam:

It is with surprise and disappointment that I serve you this past due notice.

I had originally assumed that yours was a cutting edge company in regards to product placement. Having Dr. Evil’s lair in Austin Powers II turn out to be a Starbucks building was one of the most provocative placements of the last decade. Even if Myers referred to it as the “snake eating its own tail,” most people were impressed by your ability to laugh at yourself.

I assumed it was a perfect match – your ads often featured well-to-do café goers reading books. And you must love science fiction, otherwise why would you have named your company after a certain dashing captain from Battlestar Galactica?

Confident about this, as early as page three I was writing you in, demonstrating that in the year 2036 you had improved both market penetration and branding techniques:

          In the first Starbucks she saw she noticed some kids she knew, so she waved and kept on going. The Starbucks a block down looked clear, however, so she held her watch on the rusty plate until the door buzz-clicked.
          Breathing a silent relieved breath — she hadn’t been positive she had enough for a coffee — she threw her stuff at a table near the window and went up to the counter. As the machine filled her cup, she watched the people bustling by. Spring was all over their faces, as obvious and gleeful as strawberry jam.
          Nicky put sugar and two Milkbuds into her coffee and watched the door. Mostly tourists, since the kids from the Drive favoured the outlet she had passed by. The steam from her cup curled around and coalesced briefly into the Starbucks logo, then dissipated.

When I heard nothing from your office, I did a bit of research on your company. In ’95, you were facing a boycott from people concerned about the welfare of your coffee pickers. You responded by saying that you would look into worker conditions, and the boycott ended. It wasn’t until ’97 that it was discovered that no feasibility study had ever taken place – in fact, that you had done nothing. It wasn’t until three years later, faced with the threat of another boycott, that you finally started to sell fair trade coffee – and then only in the US, where it matters, not in outlying regions like Canada.

It’s too bad that your beneficence in regards to shaggadelic spies does not extend to dark-skinned foreigners languishing for years and years in extreme poverty. But it’s even sadder that you’re unable to see this unique opportunity I’m offering for expanding market share in the 18-34 demographic.

Yours,

Jim Munroe.

Telephone call, March 14th, 1:30pm

Hello?

Hello, can I speak to Jim Munroe from No Media Kings?

This is Jim.

I'm Chris Gorley from Starbucks in Seattle, and we were wondering about your invoice...?

Yes?

Who did you talk to about pre-arranging this?

I didn't talk to anyone.

Well, it's a very minimal amount, but unless you talked to someone in the Starbucks Family about pre-arranging this...

Uh huh. Well, it's just such a small amount compared to what you pay for movies...

Yes, you're right, I deal with the film and TV arrangements... I received your original invoice, but quite frankly I didn't know what to make of it so I sat on it for a while... and I just got the letter... It sounds like from your letter that we're on your bad guy list, I'm sorry about that. This bit about "dark skinned foreigners languishing"... what did you mean?

Well, it's just that the pickers who provide your coffee get paid very little, and it's only recently that you've even considered fair trade sources. And Starbucks quashed a boycott many years ago by promising to investigate this, but never did...

Well, the media never gets the full story. If you go to our website you'll see what we've been doing...

When will you be making fair trade coffee available in your Canadian outlets?

Well, there's all these tariffs and... trade laws... I'm not being very articulate here, I'm sorry.

Uh huh.

So, is the book published?

Yes.

Well, I'll have to see if I can get it at Amazon.com.

OK, well, thanks for calling.

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