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February 22,
2002
Dear
Sir or Madam:
I
regretfully enclose a past due notice for an invoice I sent
January 10th, 2002.
I
say “regretfully” because of all companies, I expected you
to promptly deliver the cheque – not just because of what
your company does, but because of what it didn’t do.
I hope I don’t ruffle any feathers when I say it: Cast
Away.
Now,
the fact that your brown-suited employees are more often seen
on the screen than postal workers makes it clear that UPS
believes in the power of product placement. That Cast Away
featured Tom Hanks as a FedEx employee must have been hard
to deal with. Especially when you found out that they didn’t
pay a cent for the ninety-minute commercial, just provided
props. So naturally, I thought you’d jump at the chance to
beat FedEx to a new frontier: product placement in books.
In
the book, you’ll be interested to know, a character calls
UPS for a locksmith – that’s right, in the year 2036 UPS delivers
services instead of packages. It was only a matter of time
before the paperless society became more than hype, but your
company obviously made the transition successfully.
To
sweeten the deal, I can write in a dramatic gun-fight between
an heroic UPS deliveryman and a craven FedEx flunky but only
if you remit your cheque quickly. The US edition is going
to press very soon.
I
have faith you won’t cast away this golden opportunity,
Jim
Munroe.
Letters
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