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February 22,
2002
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing because you have failed to pay for the services rendered
as detailed in the January 10th invoice.
Maybe your accounting department is in the same country as many of
your clothing factories, and this accounts for the delay.
Regardless, I will take this opportunity to impress upon you
the advantages you may have overlooked in having your brand
appear in a novel.
While there’s only three brand impressions in the novel, the title
Everyone In Silico is an obvious nod to your Everyone
In Leather/Vests/Denim ad series. (I’ve thrown that in for
free, by the way.) It was unfortunate that so many artists
and writers latched on to the fascist overtones of such a
bold slogan, and made it seem like you were trying to turn
us into consumer-clone-zombie-nazis. But think about that
for a second – who are these people, anyway? Who are these
people, that think of Hitler when they think of the Gap instead
of the good, happy, models dancing across their TV screen?
Who find something sinister in fresh-faced lovelies dancing
to tasteful break beats?
They’re book readers.
And ponder this: who are these people who are complaining about “sweatshops,”
who are so concerned that your employees
overseas have running water and don’t have to bring their
sleeping bags to work? Who are these greasy faced, ugly losers
fucking with your bottom line with their boycotts and investigative
journalism?
They’re book readers, too.
It’s a small demographic, but can you afford to overlook it?
Yours truly,
Jim Munroe.
Letter received
from the Gap April 3rd, 2002
(Enclosed
with the form letter was my letter and invoice, which Accounts
Payable had stamped. The following degenerated photocopy was
also enclosed, presumably to explain said stamp in unnecessary
detail.)
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